There’s a lot of blame being thrown around in our political arena. That problem with blame is that it is a survival strategy that leads to disconnection, isolation and a disempowered, victim mindset.
Blame does not solve conflicts. It actually feeds them. When there is a moment of misunderstanding, blame pours gasoline on the fire, which leads to an explosion. Israel blames Iran for possibly having a nuclear weapon and boom, Israel fires missiles at Iran.
The worst part of blame is that it gives control over the issue to someone else and you are left feeling powerless. If it’s his fault, you can’t fix him. The only control you have is over yourself and your actions. If someone else is the source of your unhappiness, you will not be able to fix someone else.
One missed text, one wrong comment, and our amygdala is hijacked. We go to war with someone else.
No matter how much we long for intimacy, trust, and peace, the cycle of blame pushes others away.
Responsibility is what ends the blame game. That model of living is the ownership of your inner feelings. If someone makes you angry, it’s your fault. It’s not that person’s behavior that made you angry. It is your thoughts about that person’s behavior that made you angry.
We can’t change others, but we can take responsibility for how you show up in that relationship.
Responsibility is liberating.
Pamela Chambers M.Ed., N.B.C.C.